Like a Bigfoot

1. Spiderwebs in the eyes

​Spiders are the practical jokers of the wild.  Trail runners are generally their marks. I imagine them giggling wildly as they construct their webs directly at eye level, high-fiving their buddy as they see a runner coming around the corner, and laughing hysterically as the runner inevitably blinds themselves momentarily with webbing. After a year of trail running I am almost considered an expert at pulling webs out from under my eyelids (10,000 hours baby).

2. Spiderwebs in the mouth

This is where trail runners get their revenge.  The amount of spiders I have accidently eaten has skyrocketed since beginning to run through the woods.  My culinary review: Not too delicious, but ultimately a good source of protein.

3. Hallucinating that tree roots are snakes

At least twice a run I will get a jolt of adrenaline that causes me to nearly jump out of my shoes because for a brief moment in time I hallucinate that a tree branch is a copperhead or a giant ratsnake.  To be fair, a few times a month I actually stumble upon one of these creepy reptiles.

4. Having to wipe with dried dead leaves

While not an everyday activity, all runners will know this feeling:  You absolutely cannot hold it anymore.  If you unclench for a second you are going to have a mess on your hands.  You find a nice looking stump and let loose.  A realization hits you, in the panic of the preceding moment (I call this phenomena Poop Panic) you forgot that you are unequipped for cleanup.  Painstakingly, you grab some dried up leaves from the tree next to you (if you are really lucky you will find fresh leaves), let out a Charlie Brown “Sigh” and begin the wipe…

5. Dead bugs against your shirtless sweaty body

“Like a Bigfoot” sometimes means running through the woods in 100 degree weather shirtless like a damn ape!  This inevitably leads to dried up dead bugs accumulating against your naked skin.  Not only are you gross and sticky but now there are insects slowly decomposing on you! Congrats!